The First Day of The Rest Of my Life

I always wanted to be a mother, though I never felt fully ready. I knew it was something I wanted deeply, but self-doubt and other complicated feelings surprised me before the birth of our first child. Looking back, it was my path to face some of that stuff head-on. I second-guessed my abilities and felt even more compelled to prepare and work through it. It was a great lesson in trusting myself and my intuition. Now that I'm a mother, I can say without hesitation that it's my highest calling, my favorite role.

Like many new mothers, I was unprepared for the other birth that was happening with my first: the birth of me as a mother. Almost nine years later, I still feel myself growing as a woman and mother. The day my daughter was born was the first day of the rest of my life. When we started our family, I found myself looking inward and really wanting to experience every part of it. Since becoming a mother, I have found faith once again. I pray for my children, and they show me a love that could only be explained as otherworldly. I've learned that every lesson I've tried to teach my children is really for me.

Relinquishing control, sitting with pain, not turning away from the hard stuff, making repairs, letting go of perfection — which is a hard one for me — but now, it's progress that I aim for.

Now I know I have everything I need within me to be a mother. I love it more than anything in the world; it's messy, hard, beautiful, gives me all the purpose I need, continues to challenge and heal me, and has given me the most profound sense of gratitude I've ever known. My love for my family is unparalleled.

Our first two children were conceived shortly after we began trying, and our third child was a surprise - caught me off guard since I only realized it when I approached the second trimester.

I enjoyed being pregnant and learned how to balance work and self-care. Although each pregnancy was a little different, they were all special. Becoming a mother has redefined the meaning of health and wellness for me, especially since I work in the wellness space.

My first trimester was manageable, and I felt great until the end. Although I experienced a lot of emotions and was overwhelmed at times, I focused on the positive things. Feeling my babies move inside me, napping together, and having the baby grow in my belly were some of my favorite things. Two of my pregnancies extended to 42 weeks, which tested my patience. Towards the end, I tried various things to induce labor - acupuncture, climbing stairs, and rubbing my nipples while bouncing on a birthing ball — but my first two stayed until the very end. With the last baby, my water broke ten days early out of the blue, which I appreciated!

I planned to give birth to our first child at home, but my plan was not her plan took me a while. That was a big lesson for me, to let go of my expectations. She was born with a hospital induction at 42 weeks. I accepted cytotec, a Foley bulb, Pitocin, and labored for 42 long hours without pain support before finally asking for an epidural. Once I let go and was open to a birth that would be whatever it would be, she came. In hindsight, I wish I had allowed myself to be flexible and taken care of through the change of plan. It was tough, it almost broke my spirit, but then she came, and all was good in the world! I realized what was important was not how but that I got her to me safely.

I think there can be a lot of unnecessary pressure women put on themselves to give birth or feed a certain way, and my heart goes out to any woman feeling that way.

My subsequent births were smooth, empowering, and joyous. The emotional and mental state you go into birth is important, and breath work and hypnobirthing were very helpful for me.

Becoming a mother has redefined the meaning of health and wellness for me. Early bedtime is critical because I'm a better person when I do get sleep; it's the cornerstone of health. Exercise is next for me, making sure I get my daily movement. Often, my daily movement is a combination of things, and as long as I'm flexible, I know I can always check off a 20-minute class at the end of the day if it's gotten away from me. The other important things are eating healthy, good nutrition, and dedicating time to relationships — including the relationship with myself. You can't have self-care without self-love!